I have a new love. Well really I guess it is a second new love. My first new love is the gym but that's for another post. I have discovered that I love journaling so I thought, "why not post all those wonderful thoughts in a blog for everyone else to enjoy?" Am I over assuming that my periodic ramblings are so grand and full of knowledge and inspiration that others will actually want to spend their precious minutes reading them? Not really. It's your dime. I'm just using this as an outlet to vent. I'm not forcing you to read any of it. That being said I do hope that someone will read my neurotic ramblings and hopefully glean something of importance from my experiences or at the very least have a good laugh.
So yes my second new love is journaling. I discovered a few months ago that writing down all the random thoughts that float through my head actually helps to organize them and quiet some of the louder ones that refuse to let me sleep at night. I've found that it's really very therapeutic to put pen to paper, or in this case fingers to keys, and just let my thoughts, ideas, and feelings flow as they bounce around inside my skull. I very rarely sit down to write with any kind of specific goal or purpose in mind. I find that if I just let my fingers have their way, what is really at the heart of my stress or unrest comes to the forefront and in a way is exorcised leaving behind a serenity and peace that is hard to find in this busy life I lead. I use it as a way to communicate with God and for him to speak back to me through the movement of my pen. I don't know if anyone will ever ready any of this or if my words will even make sense to anyone other than me but my prayer is that they might touch just one person out there who thinks that life is too hard or too much to bear and will be turned around by knowing that we all go through things that are out of our control or not of our making. I pray that that person will maybe not feel so alone but know there is a kindred spirit out there that knows just what they're going through and has come out on the other side victorious. I write tonight for you.
When I sat down at my computer tonight I did not have in mind to write the words that now seem to be pouring out of me fast than my fingers can type. But I feel that this is what needs to be said. Life goes on. We live. We lose. We learn. We continue to live. None of this is possible without God though. He is the strength we need to continue to live. I know he is mine. Today at church was the anniversary of the first service held by The Vine Church of Memphis and although I was not at that very first service, I was honored to be a part of the celebration of 6 years of ministry that took play today. There was such a sweet spirit that greeted us there today. Such a loving spirit of God that feel like a warm embrace from a long lost loved one. I felt so blessed to be there in the presence of God as he ministered to so many who were hurting and in need of his touch. I hope that they continue to carry his blessings with them tomorrow and through the week as we ready for bed tonight to prepare for the start of a new week.
In the start of this new week, I feel as if I have been started anew as well. I have a peace and an expectancy in my soul that I know is from God. Seventy days ago, we put a seed in God's hands as a symbol of our faith that what he promised us would come true. I have a feeling that his promises to me are not only going to continue to come fruition but are about to multiply and grow by leaps and bounds beyond anything that I could ever imagine. And I am excited and looking forward to it like a child to Christmas morning. He has had me from day one of this uphill battle and I have learned along my journey to trust in him and let him guide me. I have learned the hard way more than once that when I push and start to think that I know better than God what I need that I fall flat on my face or in a pit that on he can get me out of but that if I trust in him and what he says I always come out smelling like roses. I am so blessed.
Something dawned on me today as I sat there and listened to the word sent fourth through Pastor J. God said he would give me enough. He said he would provide what I need. Not necessarily what I want because what my flesh wants might not always be what is best for my soul but that he would provide what I need and that it would be sufficient. As I sat there thing that I just barely get by and don't have any extra at the end of the month for frivolous things like boots or clothes, I realized all my bills have been paid these last few months and every one paid on time for the first time in years. I have a roof over my head that doesn't leak and that keeps me protected from the elements. I have a nice car that takes me to work. I have clothes to cover my body and I haven't gone hungry for even one meal. So yes I have enough. I have had enough that I can bless others and not fill a sting. Yes my finances may be so tight they squeak but I've not had to decide which bill I am going to pay over the other or worry where my next meal is going to come from. God has provided my way and paved my path. He never said it was going to be as smooth as glass but merely that he would be there to catch me when I stumble and that he would never let me fall.
Again none of this is what I had in mind to share tonight. I figured I would be witty and funny in the only way I know how and merely share a sliver of my life for a minute. Instead I've shared my testimony and how God has changed my life and truly saved me from a destruction that I was barreling toward blindfolded. Yes I've had hard times. Yes I've cried. Yes I've questioned and argued and questioned again. But in the end He has always known what is best for me and has steered me toward a greater destiny when I simply get out of His way and let him lead. My journey has been one of much learning and I pray that it doesn't stop anytime soon. I hope that my words here will speak to one of you out there in TV land and give you hope that all is not lost as you fear. It may seem that you've lost the battle but God is fighting your war and if God is for us, then who can be against us?
I'm going to start this new season with a spirit, mind, and heart that is focused completely on God and truly allow him to use any talents I possess to further his kingdom. And I know that I will be rewarded and blessed by Him. So when I say love is in the air, I mean that literally. God's love is everywhere.