Thursday, February 20, 2014

Santa Claus Came to Town and Other Randomness, Mostly Randomness

Ok so I'm a little late posting our Christmas pictures.  LM and I have had a really busy past few months.  First off my divorce from LM's dad was final on December 18, 2013 at 10:15 A.M. so Merry Christmas to me right.  I was so unprepared for the emotions that assaulted me on that day.  I thought I would feel relief that the battle was over and freedom to find out who I really am and learn how to navigate through this curve ball life threw at me.  And I did feel those things but I also grieved.  I grieved as if someone very close to me had died.  I grieved the loss of my family and the connection I had with the other half of my son.  I was angry that I was going through this situation.  I didn't understand why my marriage had fallen apart and why I hadn't been able to fix it.  This was never supposed to happen to me.  I was supposed to have the fairytale.  I had the handsome prince, the beautiful palace, the new carriage, and the sweetest baby in the world.  But I guess life decided it was time for me to wake up and live in reality instead of Fairytale Land.  And I'm ok with that.  I get a little more ok with that everyday.  I'm learning that reality isn't so bad.  Life is much more enjoyable when you walk around with your eyes open and see things as they really are and not through the haze of dreams.  Sure there are still the bad parts, the crime, the unfairness, and the general meanness of the world but you don't get quite the shock when you keep your eyes open to the fact that bad things might happen but they don't have to shake us.  We fall down.  We get up.  We rub some dirt on it and we move on.  And maybe next time we are wiser and don't trip over the same crack again. 
But on a happier note after I dealt with my gauntlet of emotions, Little Man and I had one of the best holidays yet.  It was so awesome to get to spend that special time surrounded by all of our family.  LM was in awe of the Christmas tree and was in shock at the amount of presents that Santa brought him.  It was so much fun watching him tear into each gift and the look of pure joy on his face at each one as if it was better than the last.  Christmas takes on new meaning when seen through the eyes of a child.
New Years came and went in a fairly uneventful stroke of the clock but I made the decision to look at this new year with a new set of eyes and a new plan to find my own happiness and not to rely on anyone else for it.  If I make my own happiness then no one else can be the reason for my unhappiness.

1 comment:

  1. I love that! We really are responsible for our own happiness.