I haven't abandoned my blog again. In fact I've missed it terribly but it seems as if there is always something else that has to happen first and there just aren't enough hours in the day to get everything done sometimes. First off Little Man and I have spent the last month passing this virus or that cold back and forth so it seems as if one of us has been sick every day of March. Just one of the many reasons that I hate spring. The weather is at it's most bi-polar with temperatures ranging from 32 degrees in the morning and reaching highs of 70 in the same day. Combine that with all of God's green Earth going into bloom and it makes for a pretty tough battle on the sinuses. I love the warm afternoons and the longer days though and the sunshine that we've had recently.
It's hard to believe that it's already April. The year is going by so fast and a lot of times I feel that it's speeding on without me and I can't keep up. My only triumph is that LM is still doing without his boppy except during bedtime. He's back to sleeping in my bed, which I'm okay with, but I had hoped that him getting a little bit of independence would help with the whole potty training thing. He's doing a lot better about pee-peeing in the potty but he refuses to poop in it. He's still not 100 percent using the potty but he does really well at school. It just seems to be a problem at home for some reason and for the life of me I can't figure out why. I'm constantly trying to get him to go to the potty but he doesn't want to stop whatever he's doing and go and when I can get him to stop and go to the bathroom he just stands there and plays with the toilet or talks or looks around like he's never seen that room before. He seems to understand the concept because he knows that if he doesn't use the potty he won't get to go to the big kids class with his friends and play on the "castle" on their play ground but I can't seem to get him motivated to tell me when he needs to go potty or to use the potty consistently. I've tried everything I can think of. I've tried bribery which worked amazingly with cutting down on his boppy. I've tried just taking him to the potty every 20 minutes and making him sit on it for at least 5 minutes and he just holds it until I put his diaper back on. And I've even tried putting him in big boy underwear so that he would be more aware of having an accident. I thought that I had struck gold with that method because the first time that he peed in the big boy underwear he immediately called out to me that he had pee-peed and that it didn't feel good and was yucky. I made a big deal out of changing him and we talked about how next time he needed to tell me when he needed to potty so that he wouldn't have to feel yucky and go through all the clean up again. However, he never called out to me again that he needed to potty or that he had and I found out the hard way that he had yet again peed in his pants when I made him stop to go to the potty and that he had simply been sitting in for the last 10 minutes. So now what do I do? I continue to try everyday to get him to use the potty. Some days he works with me and we celebrate and some days he works against me and I want to pull my hair out.
In other news, I've begun to fear that I'll never find another person to spend my life with. I've even sunk to the point that I signed up on one of those online dating websites and boy has it been a joke. 90 percent of the matches are nothing that I would consider even remotely attractive and the ones that are fall short in some other category. I really miss having a best friend that I can share my life with. When I married LM's dad I really thought that I had found the love of my life and that we would have the fairy tale ending and live happily ever after. Looking back, I can't pinpoint the exact moment in time that my dream turned into a nightmare but at least now I am able to see the part I played in it all falling apart. I've done a lot of growing and changing in the past year and I know I've still got more to learn but I know what I want and what I don't what now and I'm pretty sure that I know how to be a better partner and mate to someone now but as my luck would have it my sea of potential significant others has been drastically reduced to a small drainage ditch. I'm not willing to settle for just a mediocre flare of a sparkler or the quick pop of a bottle rocket type of romance though. I want the 4th of July, grand finale, fireworks extravaganza worthy of a national hero's homecoming of a love. So if I have to wait a little longer to find that I will. And in the mean time, I've got a little boy that looks at me with his grandfather's green eyes and a mischievous smile and that's all I need.